


Butterfly

by babyboytroye



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Flashbacks, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Molestation, Past Child Abuse, Protective Louis, Protective Zayn, Zayn Malik & Harry Styles Friendship, harry is louis' baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 06:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7704373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyboytroye/pseuds/babyboytroye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Butterflies can't see their wings. They can't see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can.<br/>People are like that as well."</p><p>Or the one where Harry doesn't eat because of his rough past and Louis helps him realize that he shouldn't let it define the person he becomes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Harry knew what is was like.

 

What it was like to feel like you don't belong. To feel like you're not wanted. Not good enough for that one person that makes it all okay again. But it's not okay. Harry hasn't been okay for a long time, and he's not sure he ever will be okay.

 

It wasn't okay that he enjoyed the way his bones stuck out to the point where it looked like they were going to break through the skin. It wasn't okay how he craved the feeling of hunger more than he craved actual food. How easy it has been to lie these days and fake a smile. He'd do anything to keep this a secret because it made him happy. It made him feel somewhat okay again.

 

He can't help the feeling of accomplishment that bubbles its way up whenever he weighs himself and the numbers become less and less. He thinks about how close he is to his goal. Pretty soon that number will be a two digit number instead of three. Ten pounds will become fifteen and fifteen will become twenty. He'll become a murmur of what he used to be, but as long as he's happy.

 

He feels like he's on top of the world and nothing will take away this feeling.


	2. Chapter One

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" Harry chanted, jumping up and down onto his best friend Zayn's body. He straddled his hips, placing his hands on either side of the dark haired boys head. Zayn groaned, covering his eyes with his arm.

 

"Let me sleep more, babe." Zayn murmured, letting out a yawn.

 

Harry frowned, burying his face into Zayn's neck. "But I'm bored and I miss you." Harry nuzzled his nose into Zayn's neck, making the older boy laugh softly.

 

Zayn sat up and placed his hands on Harry's hips, smiling at the boy. Harry wrapped his arms around Zayn's neck, burying his face there and breathing in his scent.

 

Zayn was the older brother Harry never had. He was always there for him. He made Harry smile at times when it felt foreign to him. Harry hadn't had the best life. His dad wasn't the best to him and he never had friends. He tries to forget but there's always something that triggers those memories. Zayn found Harry at a dark time and took care of him. Not once did he ever judge him or ask questions. Harry trusted him enough that one day he just told him everything.

 

Zayn frowned, gently squeezing Harry's sides, fingers running along his protruding bones. "Babe, you're so thin." He looked into Harry's eyes, searching them with his brown orbs. "You doing okay?"

 

Harry tensed up, frowning slightly and clearing his throat. "Yeah, I've never had much of an appetite. I eat like a bird." Harry lied, flashing Zayn a smile, dimples and all.

 

Zayn looked skeptical, but his eyes softened and he smiled back. "Okay, but eat a little more, yeah? Can't have you looking like I'm starving you." Harry giggled, pinching Zayn's cheeks. "Alright, then. Get off me, will ya?" Harry rolled off Zayn, snuggling into the sheets as Zayn got up to stretch. "Oh yeah, Perrie is coming by later. We're going to watch some movies."

 

"I'll go to the cafe down the street or something." Zayn frowned, shaking his head.

 

"You don't have to, love. You know we love you."

 

Harry sighed and smiled. "I know; and as much as I love you guys too, you need alone time. I'll go enjoy a nice cuppa, take my mind off some things. I don't mind. Promise." Harry held out his pinky, grinning when Zayn took it.

 

×××

 

"Harry!" Perrie squealed, pulling him into a warm hug. Harry chuckled, squeezing back. "Oh, wow. You are skinny, love." Perrie turned and glared at Zayn, pointing an accusing finger at him. "Have you been taking care of him?"

 

Harry chuckled, wrapping his own hand around Perrie's and rubbing it with his thumb. "Zayn is the best friend anyone could ever ask for." Harry threw Zayn a smile. He let go of Perrie's hand and put on his coat. "Now I'm going to leave the two of you lovebirds alone."

 

"You don't have to, H. You can stay with us." Perrie offered as Zayn put an arm around her.

 

Harry shook his head, gathering his keys and opening the front door. "No, no, no. I love you, but you don't always have to be with me. I'll be at the cafe."

 

"You should eat before you go." Zayn called out.

 

"I'll eat something there."

 

×××

 

Harry sighed, rubbing at his temples. He tried focusing on the book he bad brought to the little shop, but his thoughts took over.

 

Ugly, fat, disgusting, you're never going to be good enough.

 

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, taking deep breaths. He jumped when he felt a gentle hand on his back.

 

"Oh, sorry love. Didn't mean to frighten you." Harry looked up at the man, cheeks flushing when he got a good look of who he was.

 

This man was beautiful. He had soft, brown hair and a breathtaking smile. He was incredibly fit, muscular in all the right places. He wasn't too tall, but his muscles made up for it. His eyes were a wonderful blue, like the sea. And oh god.

 

His arse.

 

Harry snapped out of his thoughts when the man chuckled. "What's got you all red?"

 

Harry blushed even more (dammit Harry). "You- you're just really beautiful." Harry facepalmed himself, eyes widening. "No!- I mean you are. Bu- but I didn't mean to say that out loud. I'm sorry, I'm a dork." Harry stammered, the man watching him in amusement.

 

"You're okay. Thank you." The man sat down next to Harry, never taking his eyes off of him. "You're quite beautiful, also." Harry felt his cheeks heating up again, looking down. "What's your name, love?"

 

"Harry." Harry murmured quietly, slowly looking up.

 

The boy smiled again, blue eyes soft and sincere. "I'm Louis."


	3. Chapter Two

"So Harry, what brings you here on a Friday night?" Louis asked, eyes twinkling when they made eye contact.

 

Harry smiled, clearing his throat. "Well my roommate and girlfriend think it's their job to babysit me, so I thought they needed a night off. You know, just the two of them." Harry crinkled his nose cutely. "They think I'm a baby."

 

"Well with how bloody adorable you are, I would be a tad bit overprotective too." Louis said, making Harry blush for the twentieth time that night. "I mean, how old are you? You must be about seventeen."

 

Harry furrowed his eyebrows. "Heeeey, I'm eighteen." Harry whined, making Louis chuckle. "How old are you?"

 

"I'm twenty-two, young Harold."

 

"Whoa, he's older." Harry thought to himself, the faintest of smiles on his face. His thoughts were interrupted by a loud growl and hunger cramps.

 

Louis laughed quietly, eyes softening. "Are you hungry, love?" Harry blushed at the endearment, frowning slightly at the thought of eating. "You know what, let's get out of here. I'll buy you dinner; my treat." Louis said while standing up, brushing off his pants and offering Harry a hand.

 

"You really don't have t-"

 

"No, I don't mind." Louis smiled, eyes crinkling when Harry took his hand. He helped Harry stand up, steadying him with a hand on his waist. Harry felt his face heat up, looking into Louis' eyes. "You deserve to be spoiled."

 

xxx

 

The thoughts started to haunt his mind when he found himself at the drive-through of a Mc. Donalds, because according to Louis, as quoted," Mc. Donalds is the best fucking food to ever grace this planet." Harry especially started to worry when he ordered a salad and Louis convinced him to get greasy fries because according to him once again, Harry was, "tiny."

 

Harry stared at the food as Louis munched on his food happily in the driver's seat. He frowned when he saw Harry wasn't eating. "Do you not like Mc. Donalds? Because then this friendship won't work out." Louis joked, cracking a smile from Harry.

 

"No, I'm just feeling a little sick." Harry lied.

 

"More of a reason for you to eat then, love." Louis reasoned with him, giving him an encouraging smile.

 

That's all it took for Harry to eat all of his fries, feeling heavy and full with every fry he ate. He felt disgusting and sick and so, so fat. He looked down at his phone when he got a text from Zayn, asking him where he was. Louis looked over, swallowing the food that was in his mouth.

 

"Is it time to go home?" Louis asked, smiling at Harry. Harry smiled sadly back, nodding his head.

 

"Sadly, yes. I'm afraid my roommate is getting worried. I'll walk." Harry moved to take off his seatbelt when a hand covered his own, stopping him.

 

"Don't be silly. It's late and like I said before, with a face like yours I'd be absolutely insane to let you walk." Louis winked at him, putting the car on drive and asking him for directions.

 

xxx

 

When Louis parked outside Harry's apartment complex, Harry undid his seatbelt and turned to him.

 

"Thank you so much, Louis." Harry gave him a sweet smile, moving to get out the car when a gentle hand wrapped around his bicep. Harry froze, turning to Louis.

 

"I really like you, Harry." Louis told him confidently. "I want to spend more time with you. I want to get to know you, to become your best friend; to be the person you run to with your problems. I want to know all the secrets that mop of hair hides." Harry laughed with dimples and all. "What I'm trying to say is, can I get your number?"

 

Harry felt like his smile was going to break his face. He nodded his head, eyes bright and full of hope. Louis pulled out his phone and handed it to Harry. Harry typed in his number, putting a smiley face next to his name. He giggled, fucking giggled, and Louis was sure that it was the most beautiful thing he's ever heard.

 

"I'll see you around." Harry said, cheeks going red again when he quickly went to kiss Louis' cheek, giggling when he pulled away. He quickly got out the car and ran to the front door of his apartment building, waving at Louis before going in.

 

Louis couldn't take his eyes off of him.

 

xxx

 

Harry quietly entered his apartment, sighing in relief when he saw all the lights were off. He closed the door quietly behind him, jumping slightly when the lights turned on. He turned around and gave Zayn a cute smile. Zayn frowned, shaking his head.

 

"I was worried." Zayn said, making Harry laugh slightly at how motherly he sounded. Harry looked down in shame when Zayn walked over. "It's not funny, Harry. Something could have happened to you and I wouldn't know because you don't answer my texts or phone calls."

 

"I'm sorry." Harry said in a quiet voice, hanging his head low. Zayn sighed, eyes softening. He pulled Harry into a tight hug, rubbing his back soothingly.

 

"No, I'm sorry. I just worry about you. Don't know what I'd do if something happened to you. I'd probably end up in a hospital if your mum and Perrie get a hold of me." They laughed, pulling away. "Where were you?"

 

Harry told him everything about Louis; eyes lighting up when talking about the man. He sounded like a lovesick puppy, but Zayn just smiled. He's never seen Harry so happy. The two stood up for a while, talking about anything and everything. When it was time to go to bed, Harry went to his room and closed the door, smiling at the day's events.

 

You're ugly and fat. Louis won't ever like you looking like that.

 

"No." Harry whispered, covering his ears with his hands and pulling at his hair.

 

Get rid of it. Get rid of all of it. You'll feel so much better.

 

Harry closed his eyes tightly, trying to get rid of the voices in his head. But as always;

 

They won.

 

So Harry found himself kneeling in front of the toilet, scratching at the back of his throat until he emptied everything that was in his stomach; he was shaking and convulsing violently.

 

Maybe one day you'll be beautiful.

 

Harry cried quietly, his heart hurting. He just wanted to be beautiful.


	4. Chapter Three

Harry was having one of his “bad days,” as Zayn would call them.

 

He woke up to the bright morning sun and Zayn quietly singing in the kitchen, and yet all he wanted to do was cry. All he wanted to do was burrow under the covers and hide away from the world and its expectations. He wanted to go to the toilet and shove his fingers down his scratchy throat and release the disgusting contents of his stomach over and _over_ again until all that was coming out was blood.

 

And that’s exactly what he planned on doing.

 

So he shakily got up from the warmth of his bed and slowly made his way to the bathroom. He flinched every time the floorboard creaked and groaned under his weight; _His fat and revolting weight._ He wiped the cold sweat that started to form on his forehead.

 

“Harry, babe! What do you want for breakfast?” Zayn shouted from the kitchen, making Harry jump slightly and dig his nails roughly into his wrist.

 

He cleared his throat. “No, thanks!” He continued his way to the bathroom, quickly walking in and locking the door behind him. He glanced at the mirror, grimacing at his own reflection. He looked down at the scale on the floor, taking a deep breath and removing his oversized shirt and sweatpants. He avoided the mirror, going straight to the scale and stepping up onto it. He closed his eyes tightly and took a shaky breath. When he opened them he slowly looked down at the numbers.

 

_110.5_

 

Harry blinked back tears as he quickly stepped off the scale and threw on his clothes. His breathing picked up as his mind panicked. He was no where near his goal. He ran a shaky hand through his curls, staring down at the strands of hair that were tangled in between his fingers. He turned on the faucet and knelt down in front of the toilet and lifted the lid, he pressed one hand to his stomach and shoved his fingers to the back of his throat. He moved them around until he started to gag, spilling the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

 

When he was done, he flushed the toilet and stood up from the ground; maybe a little too quickly. All of the blood rushed to his head and the world around him began to spin. Black dots danced around in his vision making him place a weak hand onto the wall to support himself. He heard pounding at the door and a voice yelling his name as his eyes began to feel heavy. Then everything was black.

  
×××

 

When Harry woke up he felt a body pressed up behind him and tight arms wrapped around his waist. He groaned as he felt a pounding against his skull, hands blindly reaching up to feel his head. The person behind him gently slapped his hands away, making him frown.

 

“You’ll only make it worse.” Zayn muttered. Harry turned around and met the eyes of his best friend. He tried to smile but Zayn looked quite pissed off.

 

“What happened?” Harry asked, voice scratchy and dry. Zayn's fingers gently played with his curls.

 

Zayn sighed, smiling sadly at the boy. “You fainted.” Harry tensed up slightly, heart beginning to speed up.

 

“Oh.”

 

Zayn furrowed his brows, jaw tightening as he released his hold on Harry to roughly rub at his eyes. “Oh? That’s all you have to say after I found you unconscious on the floor with blood oozing out of your head?” Zayn laughed, but there was so humor behind it. “That’s just fucking great, H.”

 

Harry swallowed the lump in his throat, eyes soft as he looked at Zayn. Tears began to glisten in the older boys' eyes, making Harry pout slightly.

 

Zayn took a shaky breath, looking anywhere but at Harry. “I just worry about you, Harry.” Zayn spoke softly, biting harshly on his lip. “You won’t talk to me.” Harry shuffled closer to Zayn, burrowing his face into his neck.

 

“I’m okay, Z. Just wasn’t feeling well and stood too quickly.” Harry rubbed his nose softly against the other boys' neck. Zayn laughed and buried his nose in Harry's curls.

 

 _Thinning curls_ , if he may add.

 

Zayn reached up to softly brush his fingers through those curls, biting back more tears when his hand had clumps of hair tangled through his fingers. “I love you, Harry. Always remember that.”

 

Harry smiled softly, eyes bright despite the dark bruises underneath them. “Love you too, Zayn.”


End file.
